1. Give them ownership of their body & tell them that no one has a right to touch them unless it’s okay with them. At ages 2- 3.25 they should know that their bodies belong to them and that they can reserve certain parts as ‘private.’ Even if it’s something like holding hands with someone or having a friend hug or kiss them, they know they have the right to say no if they don’t like it.
2. Use Appropriate Language – Teach them the correct names for their anatomy. I think it really helps them to have that knowledge in case they ever need to talk about anything.
3. Keep Conversation Light and Easy – One thing I find that helps is keeping these kinds of conversations serious but still unemotional (almost lighthearted) so that kids feel very comfortable talking about it and asking questions. And try to let these conversations happen naturally and work them into our everyday life. Like talking about it during potty or bath time.
4. Use the undergarment rule – In the guidance lessons in kindergarten classes children were told that if your undergarments covers it, it’s a private area and no one should be seeing or touching that area. Tell a grown-up if someone is touching you in the wrong places because it’s a Mommy and Daddy’s job to keep you safe. It’s a simplified version but easy for younger children to understand it. I recommend the line be ANY touch/space intrusion that makes the child uncomfortable. And we cannot forget that the mouth should be considered a private area, too.
5.  Explain what safe touch is & give them concrete examples – like getting a shot at the doctor’s office, or being pulled out of the street, etc.
6. Empower them to say NO – I also always stress that if someone touched children in a way they didn’t like to tell that person to stop … and to ALWAYS tell their parents about it. Keeping the lines of communication open, even with AND especially with, our private areas is of UTMOST importance!
7.  Help your child trust their feelings. Kids should be taught to trust their own feelings.
8.  Practice or Role Play – My kid and I practice what she should say (‘No, I don’t like that. STOP!’) and do (tell me or your father) if she is ever asked to show or are touched in the private areas.

I sincerely hope that these thoughts help to make this a more comfortable conversation for you and your kids which ultimately leads to fewer children being sexually abused.

Dr. Sharmila Majumdar

Make an Appointment with Dr. Sharmila Majumdar at the Sexual & Mental Health Clinic, Avis Hospital, Hyderabad

The post How To Teach Kids About Good & Bad Touch appeared first on Dr. Sharmila Majumdar - Sexologist Psychoanalyst in Hyderabad.

Children are often bribed or verbally forced into sexual acts. One in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused by the age of 8. Nearly 30% of child sexual assault victims identified were between 4 and 7 years of age.
Of child sexual abuse victims identified 75% were girls and 25% were boys

93% of child sexual abuse offenders are men.

90% of sexual abusers knew their victims.

1. Talk about body parts early on with your children.

2. Teach them that some body parts are private and only mummy or daddy can help bathe them, change them or apply cream onto their bodies.

3. Teach your child body boundaries.

Tell your child matter-of-fact that no one should touch their private parts and that no one should ask them to touch somebody else’s private parts. Parents will often forget the second part of this sentence. Sexual abuse often begins with the perpetrator asking the child to touch them or someone else.

4. Tell your child that body secrets are not okay.

Most perpetrators will tell the child to keep the abuse a secret. This can be done in a friendly way, such as, “I love playing with you, but if you tell anyone else what we played they won’t let me come over again.” Or it can be a threat: “This is our secret. If you tell anyone I will tell them it was your idea and you will get in big trouble!” Tell your kids that no matter what anyone tells them, body secrets are not okay and they should always tell you if someone tries to make them keep a body secret.

5. Tell your child that no one should take pictures of their private parts.

This one is often missed by parents. There is a whole sick world out there of pedophiles who love to take and trade pictures of naked children online. This is an epidemic and it puts your child at risk. Tell your kids that no one should ever take pictures of their private parts.

6. Teach your child how to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations.

Some children are uncomfortable with telling people “no”— especially older peers or adults. Tell them that it’s okay to tell an adult they have to leave, if something that feels wrong is happening, and help give them words to get out of uncomfortable situations. Tell your child that if someone wants to see or touch private parts they can tell them that they need to leave to go potty.

7. Have a code word your children can use when they feel unsafe or want to be picked up

As children get a little bit older, you can give them a code word that they can use when they are feeling unsafe. This can be used at home, when there are guests in the house or when they are on a play date or a sleepover.

8. Tell your children they will never be in trouble if they tell you a body secret.

Children often tell me that they didn’t say anything because they thought they would get in trouble, too. This fear is often used by the perpetrator. Tell your child that no matter what happens, when they tell you anything about body safety or body secrets they will NEVER get in trouble.

9. Tell your child that these rules apply even with people they know and even with another child.

This is an important point to discuss with your child. When you ask a young child what a “bad guy” looks like they will most likely describe a cartoon’ish villain. You can say something like, “Mommy and daddy might touch your private parts when we are cleaning you or if you need cream — but no one else should touch you there. Not friends, not aunt or uncles, not teachers or coaches. Even if you like them or think they are in charge, they should still not touch your private parts.”

I am not naive enough to believe that these discussions will absolutely prevent child sex abuse, but knowledge is a powerful deterrent, especially with young children who are targeted due to their innocence and ignorance in this area.

Dr. Sharmila Majumdar

The post Preventing Child Sex Abuse appeared first on Dr. Sharmila Majumdar - Sexologist Psychoanalyst in Hyderabad.