2. You’re not embarrassed to ask for what you want
Good sex is all about finding your perfect recipe. While you can’t expect your partner to read your mind, he or she should be open to learning about and responding to what you want. If you find it hard to express your sexual hopes, you may find emailing or texting your partner about your fantasies is easier than face-to-face declarations of desire.

3. Sometimes you schedule
Scheduling sex is a good idea. Plan your night around it. Get the kids dinner and put them to bed. Then do something to de-stress—like massaging each other or watching a movie together. You’ll find it easier to get in the mood after relaxing.

4. Quality over quantity
Whether you’re doing it a few times a week or once a month, focusing on a number isn’t a great way to assess your sex life. Putting pressure on yourself to have more sex may turn it into another to-do item, which drives down satisfaction. On the other hand, traveling to places or going on date nights—opening up natural opportunities to have sex more often—may make the quality of your sex life better.

5. You like sex
No matter how many times a week or month you get busy, whether you orgasm, the most important sign is that you enjoy sex. Do you feel closer to your partner afterwards? Are you in a better mood? Those are the questions that really have meaning.

6. You skip pity sex
It’s when you have sex because your partner wants to—even though it’s the last thing you want. Mercy sex is acceptable on occasion, but a steady diet of it can tank your libido by training your brain to think of sex as a work. It’s completely fine to turn down your partner in a nice way if you’re not feeling like it. But if you do say no, try to be the one who initiates sex the next time to show your partner you desire him.

7. You know when to change things up
In the real world, it’s hard to fake your way through sex. If you’re not enjoying it, chances are your partner can tell. Most couples find they get stuck in a certain sexual routine, and they may feel less interested in sex if it feels like they’re in a rut. Although it requires a little extra effort, switching rooms or outfits or positions are all simple ways to make sex feel fresh again.

8. You’re happy together
It sounds simple, but there’s a strong link between sexual satisfaction (factors like having interest in sex, feeling good about how often it happens, and infrequent arguments about sex) and happiness in your relationship. Relationship satisfaction fuels attraction, carving the way for better sex. So if you’re into your partner, your sex life is probably in good shape.

9. You’ve got a racy vocabulary
Whether you’re sending a flirty text message or whispering something into your partner’s ear, sexual lingo is linked to greater sexual satisfaction for both men and women. These are the little things you do to and for each other that keep you physically and romantically bonded.

10. You don’t worry about the occasional highs and lows in your sex life
It’s important to have realistic ideas about what a healthy sex life is. Namely, it won’t always be passionate and intense, and the frequency will ebb and flow throughout your relationship. If you accept there’s no right or wrong way to be sexual, and you and your partner are open with each other about it and when you aren’t, that indicates a healthy sex life.

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