5 Ways To Overcome Sexual Shyness

doctorsharmila — Sun, 14 May 2017 08:15:05 +0000

While sex is something that everyone fantasizes or thinks about, when it comes to the actual act of being with a partner, sexual shyness and inhibitions may stop you from actually having a good experience. While some factors for shyness can be physical, in most cases, they border on emotional and psychological problems.

Some of the factors that cause sexual shyness could be:

1. A fear arising from lack of experience
2. A low self esteem
3. Bad encounters and experiences in the past
4. Body image issues

These are all factors which can be changed and controlled with a slight change in your thinking and conditioning yourself in certain ways.

While most people have active fantasies about sex, when it comes to a one on one experience, many people feel out of their comfort zone. Let’s look at a few mental and thought conditioning exercises that can help you counter sexual shyness.

a. Don’t have major expectations –

One of the biggest issues with mostly men and to some extent women, is they have elaborate fantasies which don’t come true in the real world and thus aren’t prepared to handle real life sexual situation when they come up. Thus you should preferably have a no expectation approach.

b. Ensure that the surroundings are comfortable –

If you are having a hurried encounter or in a situation you aren’t comfortable in, it might lead to bad experiences which will keep manifesting every time you have sexual encounters. Thus make sure that your surroundings are comfortable and you are relaxed before the act.

c. Don’t let physical shortcomings scare you –

Both men and women tend to be very conscious about their bodies. If you have to be naked in front of someone, you may feel even more self conscious. Stop feeling bad or sorry for yourself because of your body. No human being is perfect and if the other person wants to be with you in bed, they will ignore any physical imperfections that you think you may have.

d. Think about the act and prepare –

Remember that you are with a person and not with a fantasy. Once you are comfortable with a person and usually after a few times, you can then try fantasies and role playing. Initially think about the act before in your head and feel excited in its anticipation.

e. Enjoy the build up and the foreplay –

Sex isn’t just the penetrative part but all the fun sections like kissing and foreplay that build up to it. Go slow and enjoy those sections as well and you will automatically be aroused enough to a point where inhibitions will go away.

The post 5 Ways To Overcome Sexual Shyness appeared first on Dr. Sharmila Majumdar - Sexologist Psychoanalyst in Hyderabad.

Few Best Things To Say To A Lady During Sex!

doctorsharmila — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 21:04:37 +0000

Women are verbal at heart, and sexual communication is very important to them. Though what excites them is drastically different from what arouses men. If you can paint a picture with a few choice words, you can turn them on. So it’s in the men’s best interests to learn to say the right things. With that in mind, here are the best things to say to a lady during or before foreplay.
1. I want to give you pleasure- Simple, yet effective. A wonderful way to relax her and reassure her that she made the right decision going to bed with you. Say this right before or during foreplay for maximum effect.
2. You have such a hot, choose a body part she is proud of body- Pick a favorite body part to mention, but make it one you know she’s proud of. That way, there’s no controversy. Women are notorious for being sensitive to clumsy compliments about their bodies, so tread carefully.
3. What are you imagining right now? This will encourage her to talk about her sexual desires and participate in setting the mood. The idea here is to let her release any bottled-up fantasies that she would otherwise not mention.
4. This feels so good. I love it when you hug me, kiss me, etc. Again, this is meant to boost her comfort level with a little positive feedback. And if she knows you like something, perhaps she’ll take note for future reference.
5. Your skin is so soft and smooth. Ladies spend a lot of time rubbing things on their bodies after a shower. It’s time men appreciated this ritual with a well-placed compliment. Because this is a seductive remark, it’s best to say it before sex.
6. I want to kiss you all over. Women love foreplay and they love to be pampered. What you’re telling her is that you love and appreciate all of her. It’s very comforting to hear.
7. I’ve never felt this good before. Women love to be singled out as special, and unique. If she does something to you in bed that has never been done so pleasurably before, tell her sincerely.
8. You’re so hot!” Straightforward is often the best way to go. And swearing is one way to tell her that you really mean it. Women do respect it.
9. Dirty TalkThere are two ways to talk dirty: aggressive and tame.Aggressive, in which you order her around a bit. You must start small and feed off of her reactions and replies.Tame, in which you comment on her body and things you imagine doing to her without using any derogatory words.

Be sure to gauge how she reacts to what you say and you will have a very happy lady who in turn keeps you happy, that is the power of Sexual communication!!!

Dr. Sharmila Majumdar: M.S. Sexuality, M.Phil Clinical Psychology, PhD Cognitive Behavior Modification, Certified in Treatment Resistant Depression from Mount Sinai School of Medicine, Buffalo, USA

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